The painful quest to find a recipe in a foodie blog

You read that right.

I am so tired of googling recipes and the search engine spitting them out in the form of blogs. If I had an option to shut that off, I would. I scroll past any link that might be a blog and go straight to reputable sites that are succinct and give you exactly what you’re looking for, no more and no less. To all you self-professed foodies out there who combine a so-called knowledge of cooking with the tiresome and narcissistic blathering of blogging, STOP IT.

If you want to share a recipe, isn’t it enough to just say, “This is a longtime favourite of mine, passed down from so-and-so. Enjoy.”? I don’t understand why the writer thinks it’s necessary to type 10 paragraphs of back story or reminiscing before providing the promised recipe. I mean, you can do that in any other entry as much as you want. BUT NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR BLAH BLAH BLAH WHEN ALL THEY WANT IS A RECIPE. This is something that actually makes my blood boil. And it’s enough to deter me from even looking at blogs anymore for recipes. They’re just bubbling with self-importance because they think the reader cares more about their opinion than the recipe.

They don’t stop there, though. Once they give the list of ingredients, they provide an entire paragraph for each individual step of the process. Is that really necessary? To me, it’s like assuming your reader isn’t smart enough to follow short and simple directions, and I find it insulting and arrogant. I also find it annoying – VERY annoying – that you have to sift through all these sentences to get what should be a very basic set of instructions.

To top it off, most of the recipes I’ve pulled off blogs turn out to be shit. I bake for a living, so I kind of know what I’m doing. And sometimes I see combinations that don’t seem right to me, but you shrug it off and try it anyway and aren’t surprised when it ends up being a disaster – and it’s irritating to spend all that time bothering when the writer has promised that this recipe trumps all the other recipes of its kind. A lot of these recipes come from amateurs who pride themselves on throwing together a mish mash of ingredients, and if it turns out semi-edible, they think it’s worthy of the public sphere.

Not everyone, of course. Some really do have good recipes, but it’s difficult to appreciate them when you get lost in text.

I came across one for some kind of artisan ciabatta bread and I was excited, because my boyfriend loves ciabatta and I still haven’t figured out how to make it. This recipe promised to be easy, but the person who wrote it couldn’t have been worse at description. They tried to tell you how to fold the bread without providing pictures, and the text ended up being more confusing and time-consuming to translate than it was worth. A few people had left a comment asking “What is this sentence supposed to mean? I can’t figure this out” and I followed suit, leaving a much snottier criticism because all that time I had spent following the beginning steps were wasted by coming to a standstill at this particular step that was unintelligible. The author also didn’t respond to questions in their comment section, so nobody had answers. It’s a piss-off, and that’s what happens when people who don’t have a familiarity with professional cooking/baking try to pretend like they do.

I’m no Gordon Ramsey or Anna Olsen. However, I bake every day at my job and I’ve been through enough recipes over and over to have a standing knowledge of it. I just get irritated with people who waste others’ time like this… and there seems to be a consensus among people I know to stay away from blogs when looking for recipes. There’s a reason for that, folks.

ON A GOOD NOTE… after a couple years in search for a perfect lemon loaf recipe, I finally found it. Ina Garten delivered. Every time I made one it either had too little of a lemon taste or it was too dry and dense. This recipe is a god send and I’ll be making this at work this month. The trick? LOADS AND LOADS of lemon zest, lemon juice and milk. Oh my, it is heaven. This is a perfect way to get rid of excess lemons, which always seems to be a problem for me at work.

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