What we need is a break-through.

So Miss told me the other day that she’s been catching up with my written world and she recently discovered my YouTube world, which triggered my guilt for never keeping my closest peeps abreast (that’s the word of the week) of the goings-on in my uneventful life, so I felt obligated to give an update before I yet again sail away to the boring waters of the Great Lakes.

I had a couple thoughts earlier that I’m actually compelled to write about, so… here we go.

Well I had written a few posts about that toxic friend of mine last year and I have something to follow up with in regards to her. I haven’t seen nor spoken to her since her birthday party in July. I was wondering if maybe I was a terrible person for showing up and only staying a half hour, and it didn’t help that she threw up another Facebook status shortly after basically canonizing herself (again) and weeping about how much of a victim she is. One of her friends left some comment saying, “Don’t worry. The people who matter, who DO care about you, were there.” I suspected it had something to do with my short visit, but it could have been directed at someone else. I don’t really care. I chose to assume that I had some part of it, because after 12 years of her nonsense I know enough about her to know she’d have something to say about it. If it did have something to do with me, there are a couple thoughts I have on that. a) We’re 26. Do we really need to be that concerned about who shows up to our birthday party and how long they stay? If it was me I’d just be grateful people took the time to show up at all. We’re not even close anymore, so there’s no need for me to be there all afternoon and evening. b) I had a couple other things going on that day… another birthday party, as a matter of fact. The world doesn’t revolve around her. c) Not one of her friends can legitimately comment on anything to do with our relationship, because they don’t know it at all. And they don’t know me. They know me through what she says about me, so they can kiss my mouthy arse.

I’m tired of it. We’re nearing 30 and there’s no need to carry on what’s already dead. She’s still on my Facebook simply because it’s kind of a bold move to delete someone from there.  It sounds stupid, because it’s just a social networking site, but actions online have incorporated themselves in to our offline routines. What I mean is we read in to things we do on the internet the same we would person-to-person, so it’d be the same process as saying to her, “I don’t want anything to do with you.” I don’t know, maybe it’d be no different than not talking to her at all. If it’s the same outcome, why not spare the harshness… you know?

She’s so exhausting – her and all 99 of her problems. Every other day her Facebook status is something ambiguous directed at someone, which is purposely there to make everyone on her friends list question if it’s them she’s referring to, but it’s negative 95% of the time. There’s always a trivial issue she has with someone… some problem she’s fabricated senselessly so she can have something to gripe about, or someone to take her frustrations with life out on. It amazes me that the people she’s hanging around with now are still affiliated with her and still fluffing up her ego and kissing her ass because some of them are really sweet, and they’ve been victims of her abuse. I’ve seen it for myself. Being around someone like that wears you down. I don’t think I know another person as unappreciative, snide, judgmental, hypocritical or bossy as her. Well, all-around as unhappy as she is. I don’t get it. How can you not know what you’re like? How does it never occur to her that if she’s constantly disappointed and mad, that she might be part of the problem? Maybe she does know and she just doesn’t want to admit it. Who knows; it’s not my problem.

I’ve purposely never called her or touched base with her because I’m trying to withdraw from her. We’ve grown too much apart and it’s actually awkward and uncomfortable hanging out with her. We’re the same age and we have more of a mother-daughter relationship than a friendship. We definitely have our differences, which was made very clear when we tried to vacation together to the Dominican in November 2009. Her own mother warned me before we even got on the plane, “Don’t let her boss you around this week.” Doesn’t that say something? People ask me how I liked it down there and my response is, “It’s great. It would have been better if she wasn’t there.” We’re on two different planes, speaking two different languages. Well I sense she’s bitter with me for not talking to her, and that’s fine. I don’t feel a sense of loyalty to her anymore because after hearing about all the personal stuff she’s shared with complete strangers, that I’ve either told her in confidence or which she’s found out through her job, I’ve grown to finally believe that you’re not obligated to keep someone in your life just because you’ve known them a long time. If they don’t respect you, they ain’t getting it in return and it’s a pointless relationship. I don’t wish ill on her at all. But I don’t really like her as a person and I’m pretty certain she feels the same way about me. There’s never a nice way to shed someone’s friendship, so I did it in the nicest way I could. Had I told her the problems I have with her, I know exactly how it would have resulted, and I HATE fights. This way we both know what’s going on and we can spare the awful exchange. Done. I don’t care how she looks at it. Let’s just go our separate ways and leave it alone.

So I threw up my own open-ended Facebook status to get a point across. If she puts up another negative thing on there, I’ve decided I’m just going to delete her because I’m tired of seeing it pop up in my feed all the time, and we don’t talk anyway. I imagine this hypothetical vignette where every time she complains about something, one of her worker bees (aka “friends”) runs to her side with a little parcel, which would represent the solution she’s waiting for. “Oh I’m so disappointed, he never called.” An emotional slave of hers would magically appear at her side with a little box, and when she pulls the ribbon off and opens the top, a quotation box appears beside her saying, “Mystery man (because she never names him) calls” and her world is rightside up again. Or she might whine, “I’m amazed at the lack of respect and class from SOME people” and another slave would show up with a box bearing the gift of flattery. I don’t know if she actually expects people to fix her problems for her, but she’s sort of an alpha female and she’s usually the dominant personality in the room, so… I definitely believe she uses it when she can get away with it. And I think when she dumps her sob stories on her victims, they are usually too intimidated to turn and walk in the other direction or tell her, “Hey Cruella, enough already.” I also think she picks fights with people because she knows they’ll suck up to her, and I think that’s part of the motivation in her doing it because she likes the power trip… and the fringe benefits of it. Like someone offering to buy you lunch after you get in a fight because you convince them they’re being an ass.

Is this even making sense? Probably not because its quarter after 3 in the morning and I am wired on coffee after visiting my sister at work, and I have to leave in the morning for my own job and I’m excited, overtired and caffeine depressed. I apologize for my incoherency. Until next time…

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