How are you supposed to feel when your ex-boyfriend keeps looking at your POF profile? I noticed him doing this the last time I signed up for the site and it made my skin crawl. We broke up for a reason, but he’s always around. He still goes to my mom’s salon to get his hair cut… he still involves himself with my family whenever he can, even though we don’t really associate with each other. It’s weird… he’s the ex that won’t go away. He has conversations with my mom about me, and… ugh! I actually met him on POF and we started dating in January 2009. I had no initial interest in him whatsoever, but because I haven’t really “dated” much I wasn’t very experienced in effectively turning someone down. So I kept hanging out with him, and it flourished briefly, but it was really short-lived. It lasted six months before I just couldn’t handle it anymore because I wasn’t attracted to him and wasn’t compatible with him at ALL. Whoever says that you need to give someone a chance even if you’re not interested in them, lied. There’s no such thing. I’ve been there, done that. Listen to your instincts. As humans we don’t have many of those left, but the ones concerning the heart are pretty trustworthy, and I think they’re worth following. Anyway… he’s a nice guy, but he’s sooo emasculated and clingy. He’s one of those nightmares that baby talks. And after we broke up I tried to do the nice thing and be friends, after he got all the tears out of his system… but he’d keep bringing up the dead relationship and asking me things and making comments that were so very uncomfortable… so I don’t have much to do with him anymore. He went in to my mom’s shop recently and through conversation with her and finding out that a family friend of ours was in the hospital and had to move, he offered to help move her. Even though my mom knows how I feel about her encouraging him to hang around, she still took him up on his offer. I was away at work, thank god. My brother said to me, “So that ex of yours helped with the move, huh…” and I went, “So I heard.” and he says, “He’s like… really nice. Like, TOO nice.” I chuckled and said, “Yeah well you can see where the relationship took a turn off a very steep cliff.” I can’t even think of a character to compare him to. He had the same intent and heart as John Crier’s character Ducky in Pretty in Pink, but I can’t even think of a comparison for the personality at all. He had the worst sense of humour, and his interests were in diesel mechanics, vinyl records and power engineering… and those were the only three things he talked about. I was never so relieved to be out of a relationship. He actually MESSAGED me last time I was on POF, back like 4 or 5 months ago, and I didn’t even respond; I blocked him. Don’t do that, right? Wouldn’t most people have the sense not to go there? He brings a lot of it on himself. He’s so inept that way. I don’t mean to make fun of him, because I don’t want to be that awful spirited person who’d do such a thing… but it’s a true figment of my time on POF, and of my personal life, of which I’m entitled to talk about in whatever way I feel like… and I’m just being honest about why it didn’t jive, and about my problems with this online dating thing. And after all that hassle, he’s still watching me on the site and I guess I feel monitored by people I don’t want monitoring me.
So… it’s just a line you don’t expect people from your real life to cross. I know it’s a very public website and the risk of people you know, or people who know who you are, seeing you on there is very real, but… I guess you don’t think about it until the first time it happens. A couple guys I went to high school with have looked at me on there. One was the biggest nerd in the school (think Napoleon Dynamite, and I am NOT exaggerating!) and the other was the most popular guy in my grade. Another was a guy I used to work with. And I can’t remember the other ones off hand, but I know I’ve seen a lot of familiar faces on the “View who’s looked at your profile” page and it’s usually just too close to home for comfort, you know? The thing about it is even though we’re all using the site for the same reasons and theoretically can’t really judge each other, I feel like it makes me an easy target for mockery. I imagine one of the cool guys I knew finding me on there and summoning all his “dudes” over to see it and laugh. You just don’t want people you know seeing your advertisements for your personal life haha. It’s awkward. I think my biggest fear is someone from work seeing me on there, because it would spread like fucking wildfire. They already tape pictures up in my office of toothless men they found on peopleofwalmart.com, bug me about some flourishing romance I apparently have with one of our older (unfortunate looking) seamen just because I gave him a kiss on the cheek for his birthday, and change my computer screen, unprovoked, to a tiled cartoon penis that makes my monitor look like a mushroom patch (as my cousin Kris would put it)… so I can only imagine what they’d do to me with that kind of dirt haha. I had favourited one of my colleagues on there last time I was using it because we found out each other was on there through a discussion we were having one day, but we never told anyone… just favourited each other as support, and wrote really pumped up testimonials for all the potentials reading our profiles.
Listen to me. You can tell I haven’t slept. I ALWAYS do this the night before crew change. Crazy. I’m crazy when I don’t get enough sleep… or in this case, any sleep.
I think I might go get some new running shoes this morning because my trusty Adidas ones have run their last mile, and it’s time for something with better support anyway. Jana’s recruited me to her fitness program on board this month and is planning on pulling a drill sergeant with me if I don’t comply… so I need good shoes for what I’m about to get in to. She has some workout DVD that she and the SAR base have told me about that is apparently insanely intense. She tried to get me to do it last time she saw me. “Want to join me on the dock at 6 in the morning for a good workout?” Everyone at the base looked at me with exasperated faces, so I knew not to go there haha. Besides… 6 in the morning? As if the workout isn’t bad enough; that ungodly hour is just suicidal. Jana texted me the other day and I asked her if she was bringing her Buns of Bondage DVD with her and she got all excited and said that yes, she was bringing it, but “don’t worry, we’ll keep a trash can within reach in case we puke!!!” Yes, she really did use all those exclamation marks.
So I’m going to do it. Might as well. I’m long overdue for getting back in to a workout routine. I’ll update my state of mind and muscular dystrophy from my wheelchair.