It’s 4:30 in the morning and I can think of about a million other things I should be doing than sitting on my blog writing about another failed romance. But I’ve neglected to write about this for so long that I feel I need the catharsis, if for no other reason than my own release. He has been the cause of every bout of stress I’ve faced in the last three months. He owes me the peace of mind, but since he’s not giving it to me, I owe myself the privilege to vent about it.

I fell in love with this man. Never thought it would happen… tried to force myself to emotionally let go of it once I realized what it was. But I was just too invested in him to do that. I wish to god I could go back to those long conversations I had with my guy friends about it and actually be honest when they asked me, Do you love him? Of course I wasn’t going to admit it. I was too vulnerable, given where I was. And I’m the kind of girl who won’t put herself out there, not even a little, for fear of rejection. Way too often my emotions get played and used, and I’m just not willing to put them out there anymore. You can bet that when the man in question asked me himself if I was in love with him, I didn’t give him an answer – ever. It would have been way too easy for him to use that to his own advantage and end up hurting me more than I am already.

I’m so sick of this. That’s only the second time in my life I’ve been in love, and he’s the last person I ever expected to do this to me.

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