Well I’m hoping 2010 starts off better than 2009 ended. 2009 had shaped up to be a pretty stellar year until I got home from Hay River. All of a sudden all these scenarios invaded my normal frame of mind and turned me into a neurotic mess. And here I am, waiting to see if everything is ok or not. If it is, I’m going to celebrate by kicking cigarettes for good and going to the dentist (I have a fear of dentists). And by not having anything to do with the person who caused all of this in the first place. He hasn’t thrown me a single lifeline and frankly, I expected a lot more from him. And seeing the real aspects of his character have made me realize I was yet again living in a fantasy. I don’t regret anything, but I wish I was smarter. I’ve said that so many times over the years and I still make stupid choices.
There’s nothing there anymore in terms of heart. I lost it when he didn’t come through. He was supposed to touch base, to keep in touch. He’s the one who wanted that – he’s the one who asked me for my contact information. Why has he disappeared into thin air? Is there something he’s not telling me?