So much has happened in the last two weeks that my body is exhausted from the stress of it all.
On Tuesday, November 3rd at 11:42 am, a good friend of mine from high school took his life. I found out a day or two later when a mutual friend of ours messaged me to tell me the sad news. I was aware something was going on, as there was a strange message on his Facebook page, but I had no idea he had passed away. He jumped off the Bluewater Bridge and his body still hasn’t been found. The day I found out I took a long walk along the boardwalk because I felt like I had to. I grotesquely wanted to be at the scene of his death to feel his presence… to try to visualize what happened… to understand it a little bit. It’s one of those things you shouldn’t want to see, but you can’t resist. I stood there and watched the water ripple by and I was hoping to feel some peace, but all I felt was immense sadness and confusion. It was hard hearing the news and taking it in, even though I haven’t seen him in years. I had just spoken to him two days before it happened.
So then I had to take off to the Dominican Republic for a week with that at the forefront of my mind. I really enjoyed the vacation, but I’ll write about that later. I came back home last night and got a phone call from my mom telling me my dad had been in the hospital overnight because he had been having chest pains. The doctor released him and then he was back again this morning for chest pains, so my mom called me at 8:30 to tell me to get dressed and she’d come and pick me up and take me down there. We got there and when I walked into the room he was laying shirtless on a gurney, hooked up to the EKG with oxygen and an IV. It was awful. We stayed with him, and then he got moved to the holding room, so we both went in there and were with him until the doctor came in and released him. The doctor looked at the Xray and said everything looked fine, and he said the tests all came back okay. He scheduled my dad for a stress test first thing Monday morning, so we’ll go from there. Dad seems to think it could be angina, so if it is he’ll have to get it taken care of. He wasn’t feeling any pain after he left. I’m just relieved that things seem to be fine. I’m going over and spending the day with him tomorrow.
After Dad was released from the hospital I had to go to my friend’s memorial service. I didn’t think I’d make it, but Mom offered to bring me, so I got dressed and we went over. It was heartbreaking. His partner gave a really touching speech, but I had a hard time holding my tears back when his mom got up to the podium. She could barely talk she was choking up so much. It hurt me to see that. I could feel her pain. There were photos of John everywhere. He was such a great person and I miss him so much. Even though I hadn’t seen him in a long time, it hurts real bad to know I’ll never see him again because I wanted to see him so badly. That’s the second friend I’ve lost who I’ve tried to reconnect with. There was a gathering afterwards in the church hall where I reconnected with our old group of friends, and it was great to see them all and hear all about what they’ve been up to.
There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t have the energy right now and I know I need to get some sleep. Good night.