Well I officially have a sleeping disorder… or maybe I’m just nocturnal. It’s not uncommon for me to be awake until 3 am, but I’ve somehow managed to be staying up much later and I had to go out and buy Gravol the other day to start taking before the time I would like to be in bed, but I’ve only done it once. It worked, but it’s hard for me to take a pill if I’m wide awake and not really wanting to sleep. No matter how great of an idea I think it might be to just stay awake, I inevitably get extremely exhausted and crash a few hours after I decide to pull an all-day’er. I’m trying it again because I hate waking up at 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I’d rather fall asleep at 5 if I have to, and wake up really early. It’s better than my schedule now.
I’m having family issues again. My mom and I seem to have a communication barrier that just won’t come down. I feel terrible about it – I always do – but it takes two to fix a problem. I really struggle with people who can’t admit when they’re wrong or take responsibility when they are… and just in general, people who never learn from their mistakes. I strongly feel that my mother can be that way. I can too, but I will almost always apologize if people bring it to my attention. I just hate that our relationship is as brittle as it is. I love my mom more than anything… I would do anything for her, and I would be a disaster if I lost her. I would be lost without her. She does some pretty incredible things for people, especially me, and I will eternally be grateful to her for all that she does… but we clash all the time. Sometimes I have a pretty awful way of showing her that I love her and I hate when I make her cry… or when she tells me that she feels like I hate her, because I certainly don’t. We just come from two different moulds, and we don’t understand each other the majority of the time. I don’t know how to repair that because I feel like nothing I say gets through to her. But I’m going to make her breakfast because she called me yesterday morning to ask me if I’d go out for breakfast with her and shopping, but I was sleeping and didn’t hear the phone or get the message until way later. So I’m going to make her breakfast when she gets to work and bring it down to her… and again apologize for the way I acted last night. It feels so arbitrary to keep hurting each other and apologizing. ‘Round and ’round in circles we go.
My friend, and coworker, Trish is coming to town today so I have to be awake anyway to see her. We’re supposed to do lunch, and then I have like three overdue parcels to mail. Why do my friends have to have their property in my apartment? Then I have to mail all this shit all over the place. Christian’s stuff from when we lived together two years ago is STILL with me, and now he’s out in BC. No way am I mailing him his dresser and tub of clothing, plates and other random crap… so I’m stuck with it in the meantime. His dresser looks nice in the guest bedroom though, so I don’t mind.
Good thing I cleaned my apartment during the night… because I certainly don’t have the motivation to do it right now, when it would have been in dire need of it in preparation of my friend coming here.