This was posted on the Writer’s Block section of Livejournal today:
If you could say anything you want to the person who has hurt you most in life, what would it be? Did you ever confront them? Why or why not?
Only one person comes to mind who ever hurt me that bad. I think if I ran into him today, I’d just tell him that I sincerely hope things are going well for him. Regardless of the acrimonious relationship we had the last time we saw each other, I would love to be able to talk and exchange stories about what’s happened in our lives since then. I’m a nostalgic person and I think about people from my past all the time, and I really hate it when I know someone is out there who truly hates me that much. I want him to know I don’t hate him, because I wish I could get him to do the same.
I wouldn’t set out to tear him down or anything like that. I think it’s more a matter of wanting him to see and understand that I’m a different person today than I was back then, because I’m positive he wouldn’t recognize me. The last time I made contact with him (the only time since we broke up), he wasn’t interested in talking and I think he got the impression that I was trying to win him back after two years when that’s not at all what I was doing. So much time has passed, and feelings have changed, but I still remember the person. I would love to be able to tell him all about my adventures… the places I’ve been, the cities I moved to, the things I did. There was a time when we were best friends and he would have loved to have known about it all. He told me after we broke up that he still considered me to be his best friend, so it didn’t make any sense when I was finally able to accept that and be that friend, that he pushed me away.
I don’t write about him much anymore because the last time I did, either he or someone he knows found it and left me a nasty message and got my blog deleted. But it was still a significant part of my life that I shouldn’t have to feel guilty for thinking about. He and his friends made me feel like I had problems, and maybe at that age and time in my life I did. I was young; I hadn’t grown up and I hadn’t figured out who I was. I’m not sure I have yet. But the point is… if I ran into him, it’d be nice if we could be civil after all this time, sit down for a coffee and chat about the things that are making us happy now – even if it’s a new relationship. I guess I’d just want him to know that.